Surreal Compositions Easy Creative Unique Someone Flipping in Gymnastics Figures
The Parmistani are a proud people.
The best thing about "Gymkata" is that it takes itself very seriously. Actual men and women worked on this film with no intention of creating a hysterically abominable failure. Yet, despite a premise that fails to produce anything beyond derisive laughter, the project somehow landed financing.
Highlights include: The Khan of Parmistan, a man who looks like Albert Einstein with Carl Levin's comb-over. "The Town of the Crazies," a village of criminally insane people. A man who severs his own hand for no apparent reason in the aforementioned town. A man (also in that town) who wears a cloak with the back cut out to reveal his buttocks. The oft-repeated location, "Karabal, on the Caspian Sea." The title card that lets us know when we've arrived at "Karabal, on the Caspian Sea." Princess Rubali and her odd fascination with cutlery. A man named "Thorg," who has been admired by the hero "since Munich." An actual line of dialogue that refers to "a nightmare in hell." The five punch/kick sound effects that get recycled beyond believability. A character who presumably fell to his death in a gaping, barren canyon only to have his fall "broken by some trees." The random placement of gymnastics apparatuses. The complete lack of resolution to numerous dangling plot points. Kurt Thomas's wardrobe and haircut. The men working at "The Salt Mines," who just poke a large pile of refined salt with hoes. Also, we get the privilege of seeing a shadowy government agent push away a gymnastics groupie who tries to get too close to a post-dismount Kurt Thomas.
If you happen across this movie, you must watch it. "Gymkata" stands as an example of what happens when no one offers a dissenting opinion anywhere in the filmmaking process. This is a technique that was later revealed in Joel Schumacher's "Batman & Robin."
"Gymkata" fulfills every expectation you may have of a film combining gymnastics and ninjitsu. Plenty of gymnastics, plenty of ninjitsu. See it with a friend and enjoy its many failures. All hail "Gymkata!"
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Gloriously ludicrous 80's chocksocky camp riot
Warning: Spoilers
American champion gymnast Jonathan Cabot (woodenly played by handsome and muscular real-life Olympic champion gymnast Kurt Thomas) travels to the remote country of Parmiston to participate in a deadly competition that hasn't been won by an outsider in 900 years.
Director Robert Clouse, working from Charles Robert Carner's patently absurd script, treats the laughably ridiculous premise with utmost misguided seriousness, stages the martial arts fights with aplomb, and keeps the enjoyably inane story moving along at a snappy pace. Moreover, this film offers a wondrous wealth of gut-busting howlers: Bad guys don't bleed despite getting pumped full of bullets by machine guns, both an iron bar and a pommel horse just happen to be exactly right where they are needed for key action set pieces, a mist-shrouded town populated by colorful, yet dangerous crazies, and so on. Tetchie Agrayani looks positively ravishing as the feisty Princess Rubali, Richard Norton snarls it up nicely as the evil Zamir, Bob Schott cuts an intimidating figure as hulking brute Thorg, and a hilariously miscast Buck Kartalian serves as a prime source of sidesplitting unintentional humor as a pompous king who resembles an old Jewish vaudevillian. Alfi Kabiljo's rousing score and Godfrey A. Godar's slick cinematography are both up to par. A real wacky'n'tacky hoot.
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A Hilariously Bad Movie
How this movie escaped the wrath of MST3K I'll never know. "Gymkata" is a ridiculous action movie, filled (or is that empty?) with paper-thin plots, dumb characters, and preposterous situations. But take it from me, if you enjoy watching poor, yet goofy, movies, you will enjoy "Gymkata" a great deal.
The action centers around a gymnast who is chosen by government agents (at least I think they were government agents) to become a spy. You see his dad was another quasi-government agent, who has gone missing competing in this game, called, eloquently, "The Game." So the gymnast (played blandly by Kurt Thomas) trains to compete in this game and find out what happened to his lost dad.
Sounds promising doesn't it? Okay, so it doesn't but still, that bare bones plot sypnopsis doesn't begin to describe the joys of this movie. They can be found in the movie's strange details. Like the gymnast's mysterious Asian girlfriend, who doesn't speak for the first half hour of the movie, then all of a sudden begins to talk, and doesn't shut up for the rest of the time! Or the really tough shirtless bad guy who likes to make and break "The Game"'s non-existent rules whenever he so pleases. And of course there's our hero's delightful romp through the "Village of The Crazies" (Evidently that's the place's real name!). Nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
But where this movie really shines is the action scenes. Since our protagonist is a gymnast, the director thought it wise to stick gymnastic equipment into the back alleys and town squares of Middle Eastern cities, so that our Gymkata master would be better able to use his gymnast skills to fight the scourge of evil on parallel bars and pummel horses. It has to be seen to be believed.
One interesting thing of note. A lot, I'd say about half the cast, dies from being shot with an arrow. Interesting because the arrows are the only believable effects or action in the entire movie. If these were indeed effects, my one major note of compliment to whoever devised these very realistic arrows wounds. More likely, this was the film's way of not paying extras. Nevertheless, "Gymkata" deserves a look if you can see it without paying and are looking for some silliness that is an easy target for riffing.
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One of the greatest "bad" movies of all time
I met Kurt Thomas at a gymnastics even in 1992. First thing I said to him was "Gymkata?" It is probably not difficult to imagine the look that came over the poor man's face at that point.
But I love Gymkata. We used to watch it for its tremendous entertainment value as an all-time great "bad" movie. My own personal favorite parts are the pommel horse in the medieval lunatic asylum, the guy saying "there is some anti-American sentiment going around here" immediately before being shot with an arrow, and of course the "Yak-MALLA!" war cry of "Parmistan." Oh, yeah, the four or five repetitions of "Karabal, on the Caspian Sea" before the place is shown with just that as the caption on the screen.
Yak-MALLA indeed!
JP Marat L'Ami du Peuple
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Forgotten gem
Wow! This one has been stuck way in the back webs of my mind. Almost erased until I stumbled across it on the IMDb! As soon as I saw the title I immediately remembered the movie as if it were last week. I can see why many would consider this to be a bad movie, but oh well, opinions are like #*$holes, everyone has one. So be it. I liked it. The cheesy element made it work in a weird way. The locations were authentic from what I remember and the action was pretty good.
The scenes that stick in my mind are the crazies in the village, very funny, but almost creepy. I remember when he entered there were creepy noises, I was 11 yrs. old in '85. Also, the flagmen, dressed in colorful uniforms pointing the way to the next obstacle. I liked this movie and I remember it as a late night classic on HBO/Cinemax in the 80s. I hope cable brings it back with this release. If not, I will purchase it.
"Call me Snake"
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"My people...!" So bad it's hilarious
I first saw this movie with three friends at a theater in Norman, Oklahoma when it first came out. Aside from the four of us, the usher was in the theater, and the projectionist too. They should've gotten combat pay.
The US government goes to a gymnast to get him to train for and participate in The Game, a decathlon cum obstacle course held each year in the tiny country of Parmistan (the four of us immediately decided its major export was Parmesan cheese...). The Khan of Parmistan grants each winner a favor, and the US wants our hero to ask pretty please to let the US put some kind of radar installation in Parmistan to support SDI. Our hero agrees--after all, his dad mysteriously disappeared in Parmistan.
Our hero gets some help from the Khan's daughter, who turns out to be the only citizen of Parmistan who looks even vaguely Asian. (_Gymkata_ was filmed in Zagreb, then in Yugoslavia.) There are people who want to stop him, though--fortunately, every place our hero is in danger, there happens to be a convenient piece of gymnastic equipment that he can leap onto and kick some enemy behind. (It even comes pre-powdered so his hands won't slip--they think of everything!)
A high point of the film is the Khan himself, and his pronouncements from the balcony. We in the theater swore up and down that Mel Brooks was playing the Khan... He always uttered some non-English interjection that we promptly forgot (UPDATE: it's "yakmalla!"), replacing with "Uff- da!" when imitating him during and after the film, and followed it up with "My people!"
I recommend this in a double feature with _Phenomenal and the Mask of Tutankhamen_. Think you need an Abdomenizer? Nope--just watch these two movies.
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This movie is a cult CLASSIC!
Seriously, this movie is completely under appreciated as a mid-80's cult classic. It's absurd plot and wooden performances are what make the film so likeable. If you watch "Gymkata" expecting to see a solid performance by an Olympic gymnast, then you are missing the allure this film has on so many 28-35 year old men that secretly rent this title at least once a year ... for a good laugh. The movie is funny because it's so bad and takes itself so seriously. Enjoy it. Stop analyzing it as of it were ever intended to be a cinematic masterpiece. Bad movies deserve good ratings because they are so unintentionally funny. So, rent Gymkata, Glitter, and any movie with Julia Stiles, sit back, relax, and marvel at the unintentional comedy.
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very poorly done,but i've had more painful experiences
despite the fact that this film is pretty poorly done from from every every aspect you can think of,it's still manages to be a guilty pleasure.it comes off more as a Mel Brooks parody type of a movie than an actual serous attempt at film making,although it does try to take itself seriously,which of course makes it all the more funny.there are definitely a lot of eye rolling moments here.and yet,this is nowhere near as bad as many so called movies floating around out there.there's some entertainment value here,and it isn't all that painful to watch,relatively speaking.try Dark Town,or Dracula 3000,if you really want to know pain,and then get back to me.as for this one,i give it a 7/10
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Enter the Mullet
Mullet Wars at its best man. As expressed numerous times, anyone that loves laughing at movies, who appreciates camp value, mullets, bad acting, extremely poorly acted sequences, bad fight scenes, indiscernible plot configurations, and yes THE MULLET, you will love this movie.
Everyone around here is giving such glowing remarks about the camp value of the film maybe its high time we talk about just why this movie is BAD. If you're in the mood for an epic adventure action movie, do NOT see this one with hopes of coming out with your testosterone cravings sated. Such is the curse of bad kung fu movies without genuine kung fu artists. Why did this movie fail dismally at its objective? Well I can think of a few reasons off the top of my head. First off, as alluded to, this is an action-epic type of movie with definite parallels to Enter the Dragon. Martial Artist chosen by government to go to some isolated little known area of the world to help the United States' cause by outwardly competing in some kind of competition/game.
So given its obvious reaching for Enter the Dragon memories, you would think Clouse would have made an attempt to grab some good actors, the kind of martial artists that could easily impress the audience with their moves. So who did they get? All white guys, including an olympic gold medalist in gymnastics, Kurt Thomas. So where in the martial arts action epic genre some directors sacrifice acting talent and bad english for superb martial arts (Ninja 3: The Domination, a bad movie with some pretty good martial arts), and other directors sacrifice superb martial arts for well spoken english, boyish charms, and great acting ability (David Carradine and Jeff Cooper in Circle of Iron, a must-see if you love martial arts genre whacky movies) Clouse has in this case sacrificed "acting ability" of all variations for bad english and *horrible* martial arts sequences.
Why else is this movie an utter failure at its objective? Well, part of the magic of Enter the Dragon was its theme of Shaolin martial arts. This, especially at the time, was kind of a popular mystical topic that few understood, but most everyone thought was "cool". In this way, anything Eastern involving mysticism or fighting is a veritable well of immediate movie value (hence the 80's ninja craze). The problem with this movie is it gave the feel of a popular mystic subject without using any of the popular mysticism that gives this type of movie instant entertainment value to movie-goers regardless of accuracy. The biggest attempt at this might be the name "gymkata" because it sounds kind of Eastern, and the premise of mixing western and eastern styles. But in actuality this premise is little better than a line in the movie, because there is NOTHING else in the movie to support it.
Why else? Bad sequences, choreography, and directing. When I think about this movie and Enter the Dragon, I can't help but think that Clouse truly just was not trying with this movie. Its the only way to explain his complete inept job of directing this movie. The subplots are bare and underdeveloped. The premise of the movie surrounds a "game" whose rules and dynamics are completely indescernible, baffling, and plain dumb. As previously expounded upon, the coincidences in this movie are terrible such as the infamous pommel-horse town of the crazies scene. My honest guess is that after Kurt Thomas won the gold medal, some money grubbing crazy producer (the kind responsible for making 7th sequels and whatnot) decided to capitalize on gold medal fame by starring a gymnast in a martial arts movie, then proceeding to blackmail Robert Clouse into directing such a film, and Clouse in his attempt to get back at his blackmailer, sabotaged his own film by putting a bunch of bad-acting white guys who can't fight in a martial arts genre movie, sticking in poorly developed subplots such as the love story between the princess and the gymnast, and overall making a movie that any director would sit back, watch on the big screen, take the ONLY copy of the film, lock it in an iron chest, and bury deep within the earth's core.
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A cheesy delight.
This viewer isn't about to convince anybody that he's just seen something particularly "good". He acknowledges that it IS a silly potboiler, with enough goof ball aspects to it to prevent one from ever taking it seriously. It's built on a reliable "root for the good guy" formula, even if said good guy has about as much personality as a bowl of shredded wheat. The villains are easily hate-worthy, the action is always fun (if improbable), and the location shooting more than adequate. It's all set to a blatantly manipulative, rousing soundtrack composed by Alfi Kabiljo.
Real-life champion gymnast Kurt Thomas stars as Jonathan Cabot, an athlete convinced by his government to participate in a "game" that takes place in the distant country of "Parmistan". The governments' motivation in this venture is that they hope to build a satellite station in this country; the winner of the "game" is not only allowed to live (!), but is also granted one request. Jonathan duels with an evil assistant (Aussie martial arts icon Richard Norton) to the country's ruler (Buck Kartalian), fights off a thuggish competitor (Bob Schott), and falls in love with the rulers' luscious daughter (Filipino hottie Tetchie Agbayani).
Along with truly laugh-out-loud moments and moments of moderate excitement, we get a fairly blazing pace and a pretty colourful atmosphere. (This was largely filmed on location in Yugoslavia.) Thomas may not leave much of an impression, but his physical abilities are nothing to be sniffed at. Conveniently, a structure resembling a pommel horse is situated in one locale so he is able to do what he does best. Agbayani is amusing as she initially comes off as an ice princess, and slowly warms up to our hero. Norton and Schott are good baddies; prolific character actor Kartalian is quite likeable as the ruler.
The unqualified highlight is the fact that competitors must navigate their way through a "village of the mad", where Parmistan has rounded up its criminally insane. One dude severs his hand for no obvious reason; another guy wears a cloak with no back, allowing us to get an eyeful of his posterior. This, at least, is something unusual, and helps to make "Gymkata" somewhat memorable.
Is this quality filmmaking? Maybe not, but one can't deny the entertainment value, as the utter cheesiness is served to us with some style by martial arts movie veteran Robert Clouse (of "Enter the Dragon" fame).
Eight out of 10.
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More like GEMkata!
Warning: Spoilers
More like GEMkata! Here's an excellent example of something that only could have happened in the 80's - further proof that the 80's rule! When the U.S. government singles out the tiny European country of Parmistan for a secret site needed for the nuclear secrets of the Star Wars program, they think all will go smoothly. Instead, the throwbacks of this country have a yearly Most Dangerous Game-like game called...well...The Game. The Feds need someone who can infiltrate the country and not just set up the Nuke sites, but actually WIN The Game as well. So naturally they pick the only man on earth suited for the job: an Olympic gymnast named Jonathan Cabot (Thomas)! Adding to his Olympic skills, he is trained in the fighting arts by a number of trainers. But it's going to take all his skill and cunning to beat the sinister Zamir (Norton), the leader of The Game and a ruthless assassin. Jonathan also must protect The Princess Rubali (Agbayani of previous Norton vehicle Deathfight, 1994 fame) from Zamir, who is going to marry her in a royal ceremony without her permission. It's all spearheaded by The Khan of Parmistan (isn't that a kind of cheese?) (the great Buck Kartalian). Can Jonathan Cabot flip, flop and fly to freedom? It's pretty easy math to do: Gymnastics + Karate = GYMKATA! (Presumably the writers felt "gymkarate" didn't leave much to the imagination). It's such a great idea. We're happy it was actually made. What's hilarious about this newfangled fighting style, and the way Kurt Thomas executes it, is that there are so many unnecessary moves. Never mind the fact that there is Olympic gymnastics equipment in the middle of nowhere that just appears. Sure, Kurt Thomas doesn't have much of a personality, but he's not annoying, and his sweaters and mullet are cool.
Richard Norton, a Comeuppance Reviews hero, is great as the bearded, rat-tailed Zamir (who we think might be a master of the pan flute). Not only is the overall concept of the movie imaginative and different, it had the power of Warner Brothers behind it, so it actually had something of a budget and distribution. Just check out the bombastic, awesome score by Alfi Kabiljo. His booming music helps sell the Gymkata concept and paste over some of the dodgier aspects of the plot and acting. We're glad director Robert Clouse felt the greatness of Gymkata needed a worthy score. Speaking of Clouse, he was probably trying to do with Kurt Thomas what he "did" with Bruce Lee. Do you think it worked? And we got this far without even mentioning the infamous "Town Of the Crazies"! We spend a lot of time there as viewers, so be ready. It comes complete with what every town should have, a pommel horse in the town square. Will it be used? Also watch out for Punchfighting legend John Barrett as a competitor, and Conan Lee of Armed Response (1986) fame. Not to mention the funny ninjas (the movie was shot in Yugoslavia, so we can only assume they are Yugo-Ninjas, perhaps a cinematic first).
There's an excellent, inexpensive DVD from WB out there that contains the excellent trailer. You must own it. There's no excuse for not seeing Gymkata.
for more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com
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Decent martial arts but a very lame n hilarious film.
Had enjoyed it when i saw this in the late 80s on a VHS. Revisited it recently on a DVD jus for nostalgic moments. It is obviously derived from Enter The Dragon since its frm the same director. It has stiff dialog, meh story-line, pathetic acting. The budget is low. Everything bad about this film is a proof that this cud have happened in the 80's. Hav learnt walking on hands after watching this flick. The village scene was creepy n surreal, but was hilarious too. The two faced guy, the naked guy n of course the self arm chopping scene. This movie is a must for fans of the American martial arts movies of the 80s and early 90s. Bad acting by Kurt Thomas. His hairstyle is one of the highlights of this movie.
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Dumb-Fu
Looking like a bizarro MacGyver and armed with a deadly gymnastics/karate hybrid fighting style, real life gymnastics champ Kurt Thomas flips, kicks and spins his way though a host of vaguely ethnic baddies in the fictional nation of Parmistan. His mission; to win The Game, a deadly race through Ninja filled forests and a town full of crazed maniacs. If he wins, his prize is one wish, which he will use to allow the U.S. to place a satellite monitoring station in Parmistan to act as an early warning against a potential nuclear attack. Thankfully, there are plenty of uneven bars and pommel horses in Parmistan.
Maxim once voted 'Gymkata' the 17th worst film of all-time, but honestly it's pretty entertaining. The plot is beyond dumb and the acting is atrocious, but the fight scenes are a blast thanks to some creative choreography, the real life skills of Thomas and a director who knows the genre in Robert Clouse ('Enter the Dragon', 'Blackbelt Jones', 'The Big Brawl' and 'China O'Brien 1 & 2').
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The great country of Parmistan
Gymkata was the attempt to turn gymnast champion Kurt Thomas into a martial arts film star. It is also an endurance game that the country of Parmistan plays. Outsiders play the game, but no one ever wins in fact no one ever survives from the outside.
But Thomas is going to compete for the USA and what's at stake is an early warning system for the Reagan Star Wars program. Located in the Hindu Kush mountains between China, India, and the Soviets it's prize location.
Although Thomas got himself a Razzie nomination he's no better than a lot of the martial arts performers as thespians nor any worse. It's a bad film, but not spectacularly bad.
In any event Thomas decided wisely that athletics were still a better fit.
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In a Class All Its Own
One of the greatest 'bad' movies of all time. A ridiculous but enjoyable comic book of a movie. It was done as a showcase for Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas. In this film, Thomas is recruited to go into the tiny country of Parmistan and win "The Game" in order for Parmistan to allow the United States to install a satellite monitoring station as part of the Star Wars program. This is already pretty stupid and I haven't even scratched the surface yet. "The Game" is Parmistan's tradition of making foreign warriors run a race along a set course, all the while being chased by soldiers. If they succeed, they get a wish granted. It all makes the kind of sense that doesn't.
Mulleted Kurt Thomas is perhaps the most unlikely action star ever, with his all-American boyish looks and diminutive size. Whatever else there is to say about him, it's damn impressive watching him do all of his own stunts. Princess Rubali (Tetchie Agbayani) is his love interest. Filipino Agbayani is the highly unlikely daughter of the very white King of Parmistan, played by Buck Kartalian. Richard Norton plays the principal villain, the rat-tailed and dangly earring-wearing Zamir. One of my favorite roles in the movie, however, was that of Bob Schott as Thorg. The top-heavy Thorg wears a sweatshirt in all of his scenes, resembling Hans & Franz from the old Saturday Night Live sketches.
It's a good movie to laugh at, for sure. But I want to be fair and say that there were some genuinely good points to it. As I mentioned, Thomas does all his stunts and they are impressive. Yes, they do silly things like place a pommel horse in the middle of a town just so he can jump on it and kick people. But it's part of the movie's nonsensical charm. I also enjoyed the location shooting. The film was shot in Yugoslavia and there's some great scenery and lovely old buildings. The "village of the crazies" part is actually pretty cool with some creepy atmosphere as Thomas is chased through the foggy streets by lunatics.
The '80s was a wonderful decade for "fun" movies. Many of those are legitimate successes while some, like Gymkata, are misfires that succeed in spite of themselves. If you love '80s action movies or you love movies that you can have some fun with, you have to check this one out.
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One of the best bad movies of the 80s...
... so if it doesn't bore you, and maybe you have some retro fondness for this era and this film genre in particular, it might be an 8/10 for you.
Ludicrous Reagan-era action film in which Kurt Thomas, a real-life champion gymnast, stars as a champion gymnast who is recruited by the government to travel to the west Asian country of Parmistan and participate in the "Game", wherein the contestants are hunted while they try to make their way to the finish line. He must be an expert fighter, so he is trained in combat, which he combines with his gymnastics expertise to create Gymkata, a new fighting style. Once in the game, he must fight the other participants as well as Parmistan's ruler's right hand man, the evil Zamir (D-movie regular Richard Norton). What perils await our mulleted hero as he tries to escape the Village of the Crazies?
Co-starring veteran goofball Buck Kartalian as Parmistan's ruler, Tetchie Agbayani as his beautiful daughter, and a few lesser known action regulars, like Bob Schott and Conan Lee. This movie moves from one absurd set-piece to another, and is well worth seeing just for the head-scratching sequence in the Village of the Crazies. Serious film buffs will be unamused, but for bad movie fans, it doesn't get much better. I like that the goal of the hero is to win so that the new Star Wars Defense program can be placed in Parmistan. Incredibly, this was from MGM, just as they decided to throw up their hands and sell out to Ted Turner. Who can really blame them at this point.
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This film deserves (a lot) more credit
The average rating of 2.9 out of 10 for this film is a travesty. Anybody who watches this film and gives it less than 3 out of 10 is a fool who has completely missed the point. Let me explain: The acting...is not great. The plot...could be deeper. The direction and cinematography...second to many. However, all of those things (and probably many more) take a sideline when you watch the film. This is due entirely to the sheer fun of it all. It is not meant to be a serious work of art (at least I hope not), it is meant to be a fast paced, entertaining vehicle for showing off Kurt Thomas's ample gymnastic abilities in the most contrived situations imaginable (spot the high bar (and chalk) between two buildings). And in this capacity, the film really delivers as we follow Thomas (aka Jonathan Cabott) through a life or death race - that some people bizarrely seem to have volunteered for - across some very inhospitable ground with a bunch of well armed, evil looking locals on his tail. Sure, if you're a movie critic who has watched every film ever released since 1896, you'll probably think this is puerile rubbish. That is why I am so pleased not to be a movie critic, because I can sit down and watch a simple film and derive a simple pleasure from it. Simple as that.
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Best left in the gym...
America needs the best man possible to win "The game" so who do they hire? A gymnast (Oh brother!) played by Kurt Thomas who has the necessary skills to win in a game which involves ninjas, a village of crazies and Richard Norton who is told by Kurt Thomas "to keep his hardware in his pants." (His exact words) I missed this in theaters and it's a good reason because I would have probably been kicked out due to the laughing I broke into at regular intervals. The first thing that went through my mind was just how lame these ninjas are if a gymnast can kick their ass. Kurt Thomas is like 5 foot 4 and he hardly strikes one as "The best man for the job" As to the acting talent of Kurt Thomas, well if you can't say something nice... In all seriousness though one has to wonder how much cocaine was being used to furnish an idea so stupid. Only the decision to cast Tara Reid as a scientist tops the dumbness here. For 18 years though this held the title of the dumbest movie I had ever seen. Not to say I didn't find this unwatchable, I was laughing so hard I almost choked to death. Twice. Only in the 80's could a movie with such a bad idea get made. Although for the record it is the only movie to ever feature a hero so wimpy, he can't even pull a wedged sword out from the ground. This is the wimpiest action movie ever made, and one of the most hilarious also.
* out of 4-(Bad)
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Classic Flick
You can track me down, find me, insult me or even kill me but to me,this is a classic (well after Cyborg with Vand Damme); why? Imagine you were between 7-13 years old, then while your dad just finished watching his boring news, you finally get one of those huge black remote control from the 80s, with no time to waste, you turn to channel 4, damn, you missed the opening credits of Gymkata and Joseph, your lazy neighbor'd bet he was going to watch it for the 100st time while you never had a chance to see it all.
But you don't complain, because the fight is on and you are so taken away because the good guy, all the way in the movie wont be landing his feet, thats right,he uses his hands to stay on the ground while his feet is kicking all the weird people from this weird village. classic and goodnight.
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Everybody's Kung-FOOL fighting...
It's a rare film that actually attains the heights which it reaches for in a world so filled with really bad chop-socky flicks.
Which brings us to "Gymkata"... which succeeds in being the absolute WORST.
A shock, since it was directed by the same Clouse who gave the world "Enter the Dragon", Bruce Lee's signature film. But then, what can you expect in an action film that features Buck Kartalian?
The real star is Kurt Thomas, or at least that's what the credits say. But if every actor had as little talent as he, there would be no need for Lee Strasberg. Let's just say as an actor, Thomas makes a great gymnast.
Which is all this movie really calls for. Kurt plays a gymnast recruited by the CIA to help the good old US of A claim a distant land for their "Star Wars" military post. Great, we all think, until we realize Darth Vader won't be making an appearance.
But this also isn't a "Rambo"-style actioner - Kurt doesn't go in with machine guns and grenades, ready to blow this peace-loving country into submission. No, he is instead trained in the lethal art of gymkata, which consists of walking up a stairway using only your hands, carrying on a conversation with yourself with intermittent back-flips thrown in every so often and hoping and praying to God that wherever you fight there will be uneven bars, pummel horses and other gymnastic-looking pieces of architecture about.
Why all the training? BECAUSE, dear movie-lover, this aforementioned foreign country will only give its land over for military use to whichever nation's representative can finish a deadly kind of decathlon where everything from arrows, scimitars and the mentally-unbalanced are thrown at the competitors. Of course, with no other weaponry in evidence, it's shocking that Russia hadn't already claimed it. Heck, Australia could have shipped all their excess kangaroos over and kicked everyone into submission in less time than this movie takes.
Anyhoo, "Gymkata" is about as graceful as a doped-up rhinocerous and twice as intelligent. Of course, for entertainment value, there's always the Village of Crazies and Buck Kartalian playing the ruling Khan. Yes, the same Buck Kartalian who once played the lead in "Please Don't Eat my Mother", about a guy and his carnivorous plant (Buck played the guy).
And if you thought THAT movie was derivative....
No stars, no hope, no future and (please) no sequels for "Gymkata".
I understand there is also a 1978 movie called "Gymkata Killer". Well, there went the ONLY original thing about this movie - its title.
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Gymnastics + Karate = Unintentional Comic Gold!
From the producer and director of Bruce Lee's seminal martial arts film "Enter the Dragon" comes this martial arts low-point that decided a deadly combination of gymnastics and karate was the formula for a brilliant new action film. US Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas travels to a mysterious fictional European country to complete in a deadly tournament that's a mix of Han's martial arts tournament in "Enter the Dragon" and the plot from "The Most Dangerous Game." Overall, this film is a mess, but it's so awful that's it's absolutely hilarious. The way Thomas manages to find high bars and pommel horses in the most unexpected of places is comic gold. Only watch this film for ironic camp value and look somewhere else if you want good fight sequences. Kung-fu film mainstay Richard Norton also appears as the lead henchman.
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No Doubting Thomas
Handsome, muscular Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas (as Jonathan Cabot) does a routine on the high bar. Meanwhile, a man dressed like he's escaped from a modern hospital runs from horsemen who appear to be from medieval times. The running man is hit by an arrow while Mr. Thomas does a routine on the parallel bars. Believe it or not, the modern Thomas exists in the same time period as the characters in the chase scene. The story takes place in the present, but it moves to a faraway land. Thomas is recruited to go to this "Most Dangerous Game" land and win a contest. He is given an extraordinarily beautiful female partner, Tetchie Agbayani (as Princess Rubali). Thomas flips for her and everyone else...
"Gymkata" is meant to combine Thomas's "Gymnastics" with "Karate" as a martial arts sub-genre movie. Thomas and his co-star are very attractive. The emphasis is on action, but the story is very weak. Most of the story involves Thomas being given contrived situations in which to show off his gymnastic feats...
The most absurd sequence occurs after the first hour...
Thomas is in what appears to be a crumbling old village. Mysterious clocked figures appear in windows and doorways. One male beckons Thomas and shows his firm, naked buttocks. Thomas declines the encounter, which may have been telegraphed by the gymnast's coolness, in an earlier scene, toward a fawning gay attendant. Thomas makes his way to a town center, finds a pummel horse and begins gymnastically taking down people. The crumbling town citizens look like they wandered in from a film hybrid directed by the love child of Frederico Fellini and George Romano. For these approximately 20 minutes, "Gymkata" director Robert Clouse makes this otherwise boring film quite visually arresting...
******* Gymkata (5/3/1985) Robert Clouse ~ Kurt Thomas (the bizarre, approximately 20-mintute old town section)
**** Gymkata (5/3/1985) Robert Clouse ~ Kurt Thomas, Tetchie Agbayani, Richard Norton, Edward Bell (whole film)
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Buck Kartalian sinks this one...
Buck's role as The Kahn brings to mind Bob Barker (of The Price is right) running a country the same way he runs his show. But there's lots more to chuckle and snort through in this turkey. Kurt Thomas as the baby-faced "hero" displays some considerable acrobatic skills, but not a whit of acting talent whatsoever. There's a few spooky moments (in the Village of Crazies, mostly), and some mildly impressive martial arts sequences. But any given "Ninja" movie will give you much more entertainment, and you won't feel as guilty about laughing.
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Entertaining and ridiculous in about equal measures
Well, as others have quite rightly pointed out, this stands proud as a bad movie delight; From the preposterous plot to the absurdly, fortuitously placed gymnastics equipment, a likable yet curiously wimpish hero and even B-movie stalwart and martial arts expert Richard Norton playing the bad guy here, this has all the ingredients for a great time with friends and copious amounts of alcohol.
Having said this, director Robert Clouse who brought us the classic Enter The Dragon, does show off a number of very well executed sequences in this which momentarily raise the picture to a higher level altogether - most notably in the often cited scenes set in a village exclusively populated by the criminally insane; Indeed, this segment of the film evokes an incredibly unique, creepy atmosphere the like that has seldom since been seen in any other film in my opinion (and I'm being serious here).
In summary, if it's some harmless, carefree (and somewhat absurd) fun you're looking for, Gymkata certainly delivers the goods.
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It's terrible but hilarious.
Gymkata. That perennial mainstay of late night TV where I first caught it at a young age. The tagline for this movie was, "the skill of gymnastics. The kill of karate." You seriously can't get more 80's than this movie.
The story itself is beyond silly and contrived. Gymnastics superstar Johnathan Cabot, played by real life Olympic medalist Kurt Thomas and his mullet, is tasked by the government to to be their emissary to Parmistan. Why send a gymnast for this? Well, there's more stupid to this. It's because Parmistan is the perfect place for a Star Wars defense grid but they don't like outsiders. The Parmistani people are a proud people and they only allow outsiders in to play, "The Game". The Game is a deadly obstacle course where people die, or are killed, in the process of trying to complete it. And the winner can ask anything of their leader the Khan and it must be given. Such are the rules. But no outsider has won the game for over 600 years.
To prepare for this they get a bunch of teachers who will train him to create a whole new type of martial art namely Gymkata. And it seems to be composed entirely of flips, Johnathan jumping at people and climbing the stairs using only his hands.
And of course there's a love interest. The very lovely and former Playboy model Tetchie Agbayani who plays the princess of the Parmistani people. She plays it cool, beats him up a few times and then finally falls for his charms. I guess mullets turn her on or something.
This movie is ridiculous in every sense of the word. From the premise, to the idea of Kurt being a bona fide action star, to the pieces of gymnastics equipment littering the streets of Parmistan. I'm not kidding. They're attacked by... some guys while out for a walk and Johnathan runs down this alley where there's a pole just hanging there between two buildings. It could be used to maybe dry clothes on but there's no windows there. It's just a pole. Johnathan jumps up, grabs it and starts spinning around. The baddies then just run into his feet like that. Or the pommel horse in the village of the crazies. And yes, that's a thing in this movie. He's surrounded by crazy folk, gets on the pommel horse and starts spinning around while kicking everybody's butt when they conveniently run into his feet. These people are surrounding him and have pitchforks and long pointy objects. Yet none of them try to stab him in the back. These are the most polite homicidal crazy people ever. They'll never stab anybody in the back.
And in the end this is a gloriously wonderful example of 80's cheese. It's entertaining in a "so bad it's good" kind of way and for lovers of bad cinema it's a must see.
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089243/reviews
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